Continued from here
So as everyone ELSE enjoying their pizza I am playing with my Chicken's bath water. Eric offered me a bite of his pizza and I thought one little bite won't do anything so I partook. Ok it wasn't a little bite so much as half a slice but I did consume it in one bite so that counts right?
I still felt great. No pain, but no gas either.
I napped a little.
Then walked.
Drank more sprite and ate more ice chips.
Then after night nurse left and the baby and Eric were sleeping I had a teeeny little cookie.
Still felt great.
The next morning I am in the bathroom showering and I come out to a covered dish. Eric and the nurse were talking and I thought I am not touching that shit they probably dipped an egg in water and expect me to eat that. But as I got closer I realized it was EGGS, BACON, BISCUITS, JELLY, BUTTER. I start to get the tray ready and the nurse says, "That is your husbands plate since he gets one meal."
BLINK BLINK
"What?" Where is Marie's bacon and eggs?!?!?!
You still can't eat if you have not passed gas. Have you?
"Yes, Yes I did".
"Are you sure?" (I am a totally bad liar) I hung my head in shame and said "NO, I still can't go but I feel great so I think I could handle some eggs."
"I can't give you anything your doctor insists that you pass gas first. You can ask him when he makes his rounds but let me give you something in your iv that might help you along. Keep eating your ice chips and drinking.
The Dr. came in and was checking me out and I was all I feel fine. Just don't have any gas.
You pass gas or no eat (My Dr is Korean, and I have no clue how to do a Korean accent in print so just imagine him talking in Korean.mmkay? Its funnier that way)
"Very important you pass gas".
"What happens if I don't?" I asked.
"You will"
"If I don't?"
"No food"
"So what if I don't pass gas and eat. What would happen?"
"You could get distended bowel"
I did not like the sound of that.
"We have to put tube down your throat or open you back up".
I REALLY didn't like the sound of that. Cue pure terror on my face.
Dr. left I started feeling rumblings in my tummy.
Then the first gas pain hit.
"HOLY MOTHER OF FRANCES THAT HURT" I huffed.
Then all hell broke loose. I started crying hysterically.
"Its the PIZZA AND THE COOKIES. I am getting distended bowel and I am going to DIIIIE".
"Conner won't have a mother because I couldn't listen to my Dr."
It was bad. I have never in my life felt pain like that. The nurse came in and everyone was instruct out of the room. My eyes were glazed over and I was loosing my shit people. Almost out of it so much that I didn't see the bag the looked surprisingly similar to the enema bag that assaulted me with the day before. ALMOST. "Wait, What's that".
I stopped my fit and locked eyes with my nurse and said "Please tell me that is not what I think it it."
She didn't back down, the scrappy little thing. "You have trapped gas"
I had NEVER heard that term but I didn't like it.
"We are hoping the enema will help you release it".
At this point I was in so much pain and in no position to plead or bargain so I did what I could do to assume the position. She not only administered the WHOLE bag but then had to ROLL me from side to side. It was the most undignified thing. EVER.
Happy ending though.
The gas was released and I am here to blog about it.
Funny asside. Did you know that the ice chips at the hospital have air blown in them? Yeah they do that for a reason. Ice chips ARE THE DEVIL.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Don't pop the bubble wrap.
"Do NOT pop the bubble wrap in the front seat because I need that".
"Oooooh, we have bubble wrap?"
"Marie, I am serious. Don't."
This is a permanent character flaw for me. When someone says do not do something, well, that's really all I think about doing. Why Eric doesn't KNOW this after 6 years I have no clue. As I drove to work this morning I stared at the tempting, air filled bubbles, just waiting to be popped. To make matters worse I get stopped by a train. I am not going to say that ALL the bubbles remained in tact, but Eric should still be able to ship his package safely...
I do have a point here. This post is not all about bubble wrap. No. It's really about farting. Put your honey bun down because this will probably get just a little graphic.
The Baby C (we still need a nickname) was scheduled to be born Sept 16th at 7:30 am. Thank the Lord I didn't have to wait for the second delivery slot which was at 11:30. I was not allowed to eat anything after midnight.
Now due to my very rebellious issues and the fact that I was on an eat every time my mouth opened schedule, I was worried about the lack of food that would NOT be shoveled into my fat pregnant gullet.
I wasn't worried about being cut open or rearranged in my gut region. I was worried about getting hungry and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
We had a lovely dinner of endless shrimp at Red Lobster the night before the surgery followed by a small chocolate milkshake at around 10pm. When I went to bed I was GOOD. The following morning however, I was STARVING. My body didn't know it was going through major surgery. The baby didn't KNOW he was entering the world to suckle at my TOTALLY AWESOME SWEET MILKING PRODUCING BOOBIE. We were hungry. THE END.
I made it through the surgery so good and everything was great. I felt so good and didn't REALLY need to pain shot. I totally took it anyway because HELLO, long time since I have had anything stronger than a TYLENOL and maybe, just maybe it would make me forget about my hollow belly.
The nurse finally came in and offered me ice chips and sprite and said, "Let us know when you pass gas". People if I knew then what I know now I would have sat up in my bed and bitch slapped that ho into the Christmas holiday.
I crunched my ice chips and drank my sprite like I had been walking through a desert with a horse with no name (try to get that song out of your head now I dare you) and wondered do I need to toot? No, I don't think so.
When the numbness wore off I decided to try out my sea legs a bit and also was told that that would help me stimulate a fluff so that I could get some dinner. I still was in NO PAIN. I walked all over the hospital. Down to the nursery to compare the cuteness of the other babies which I have to tell you, either it was a slow day or there were just no other babies created that day that compared to mine. I got back to my room and nothing not even a squeak of a fart.
So I settled in with my little cutie pie and napped and chatted with visitors and tried to forget about my hunger pains. At supper they brought broth. BROTH. Juices from a boiled chicken. Liquid. "This is all you can have until you pass gas doctors orders". As I am sitting there eating,and I use this term loosely, my husbands buddy brought in pizza for me. If that was not enough to burst into a sobbing fit my mommy had brought me m&m cookies to eat after the birth and my grandmother had brought brownies. I am not a total fat kid but I had not partaken in any of those treats for the past 5 months and I was ready to get my sugar induced grub on.
As I stared at the melty cheese and smelled the sausagy goodness I thought "What would one little bit hurt".
Stayed tuned for part two of "What it hurt"
"Oooooh, we have bubble wrap?"
"Marie, I am serious. Don't."
This is a permanent character flaw for me. When someone says do not do something, well, that's really all I think about doing. Why Eric doesn't KNOW this after 6 years I have no clue. As I drove to work this morning I stared at the tempting, air filled bubbles, just waiting to be popped. To make matters worse I get stopped by a train. I am not going to say that ALL the bubbles remained in tact, but Eric should still be able to ship his package safely...
I do have a point here. This post is not all about bubble wrap. No. It's really about farting. Put your honey bun down because this will probably get just a little graphic.
The Baby C (we still need a nickname) was scheduled to be born Sept 16th at 7:30 am. Thank the Lord I didn't have to wait for the second delivery slot which was at 11:30. I was not allowed to eat anything after midnight.
Now due to my very rebellious issues and the fact that I was on an eat every time my mouth opened schedule, I was worried about the lack of food that would NOT be shoveled into my fat pregnant gullet.
I wasn't worried about being cut open or rearranged in my gut region. I was worried about getting hungry and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
We had a lovely dinner of endless shrimp at Red Lobster the night before the surgery followed by a small chocolate milkshake at around 10pm. When I went to bed I was GOOD. The following morning however, I was STARVING. My body didn't know it was going through major surgery. The baby didn't KNOW he was entering the world to suckle at my TOTALLY AWESOME SWEET MILKING PRODUCING BOOBIE. We were hungry. THE END.
I made it through the surgery so good and everything was great. I felt so good and didn't REALLY need to pain shot. I totally took it anyway because HELLO, long time since I have had anything stronger than a TYLENOL and maybe, just maybe it would make me forget about my hollow belly.
The nurse finally came in and offered me ice chips and sprite and said, "Let us know when you pass gas". People if I knew then what I know now I would have sat up in my bed and bitch slapped that ho into the Christmas holiday.
I crunched my ice chips and drank my sprite like I had been walking through a desert with a horse with no name (try to get that song out of your head now I dare you) and wondered do I need to toot? No, I don't think so.
When the numbness wore off I decided to try out my sea legs a bit and also was told that that would help me stimulate a fluff so that I could get some dinner. I still was in NO PAIN. I walked all over the hospital. Down to the nursery to compare the cuteness of the other babies which I have to tell you, either it was a slow day or there were just no other babies created that day that compared to mine. I got back to my room and nothing not even a squeak of a fart.
So I settled in with my little cutie pie and napped and chatted with visitors and tried to forget about my hunger pains. At supper they brought broth. BROTH. Juices from a boiled chicken. Liquid. "This is all you can have until you pass gas doctors orders". As I am sitting there eating,and I use this term loosely, my husbands buddy brought in pizza for me. If that was not enough to burst into a sobbing fit my mommy had brought me m&m cookies to eat after the birth and my grandmother had brought brownies. I am not a total fat kid but I had not partaken in any of those treats for the past 5 months and I was ready to get my sugar induced grub on.
As I stared at the melty cheese and smelled the sausagy goodness I thought "What would one little bit hurt".
Stayed tuned for part two of "What it hurt"
Saturday, December 5, 2009
First and Last Santa Visit
We went and saw Santa today.
E reluctantly agreed to see Santa one last time. He has already informed me that he is pretty sure about the whole Santa story but still wants to believe in the "magic" of Christmas. When Santa asked what he wanted this year he looked straight at me and said, "A GOOD mountain bike, a really good one".
I knew it was coming and I am pretty sure he was questioning it last year so it wasn't that big of a suprise. He mailed a letter today and I forgot to get it out of the mailbox before the postman came, but the letter was gone when we got home so I need to thank our mail carrier I guess.
I always sneek the letter our and put it in my jewlery box. He found his last letter to the tooth fairy and told me about it so I stopped leaving money under his pillow. So, I bet if he finds the Santa letter he won't say a thing.
The baby was so cute with Santa. He wasn't scared at all and even smiled for the picture. I would post a picture but I am still not sure just how much I want to post that would identify me and my kids. I like having a place to post my thoughts annonymously. I am still trying to figure out a good blog name for the baby. I call him boo bear, stinker boo, suger booger, and any other rediculas name I can come up with because well, I am a nutcase and he is so stinking cute.
E reluctantly agreed to see Santa one last time. He has already informed me that he is pretty sure about the whole Santa story but still wants to believe in the "magic" of Christmas. When Santa asked what he wanted this year he looked straight at me and said, "A GOOD mountain bike, a really good one".
I knew it was coming and I am pretty sure he was questioning it last year so it wasn't that big of a suprise. He mailed a letter today and I forgot to get it out of the mailbox before the postman came, but the letter was gone when we got home so I need to thank our mail carrier I guess.
I always sneek the letter our and put it in my jewlery box. He found his last letter to the tooth fairy and told me about it so I stopped leaving money under his pillow. So, I bet if he finds the Santa letter he won't say a thing.
The baby was so cute with Santa. He wasn't scared at all and even smiled for the picture. I would post a picture but I am still not sure just how much I want to post that would identify me and my kids. I like having a place to post my thoughts annonymously. I am still trying to figure out a good blog name for the baby. I call him boo bear, stinker boo, suger booger, and any other rediculas name I can come up with because well, I am a nutcase and he is so stinking cute.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The real post
Sorry about yesterday I accidentally hit publish and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to come up with a post. Do you know how many times I have sit down at my computer to post? Its on my mind all the time. Even Eric is asking when I am going to blog again.
The truth is I want to put up the really profound post explaining how we are mystified by the new little creature the fills our days and nights. How I can't believe we survived the last 5 years without his little warm body snuggled up against us when he is sleeping.
I can't put into words how all the epic fails in our lives don't seem to matter when we look at his smile.
When we settle down in the rocker at night to nurse before bed I just stare at his wonderful blue eyes and everything is right.
I could go on and on about how wonderful this baby is. He is a champion sleeper. Always wakes with a smile. He is a great nurser. Chooses to chill in his bouncer or swing and look at things rather than be held. But. Its just doesn't look like much when I read it back to myself.
No words can describe how incredibly blessed I am to have my two boys and my INCREDIBLE husband.
How do show happy in black and white?
Maybe this will help.
Con*ner Er*ic.
Born September 16th, 2009
8 pounds 11(and a half) ounces. (I told you he would be a hoss.)
Wonderful uncomplicated birth.
Scary gas (for me) the day after, followed by a very humbling enema that deserves it's OWN post. Seriously. AWFUL.
Mom, Dad, and brother couldn't be more proud.
The truth is I want to put up the really profound post explaining how we are mystified by the new little creature the fills our days and nights. How I can't believe we survived the last 5 years without his little warm body snuggled up against us when he is sleeping.
I can't put into words how all the epic fails in our lives don't seem to matter when we look at his smile.
When we settle down in the rocker at night to nurse before bed I just stare at his wonderful blue eyes and everything is right.
I could go on and on about how wonderful this baby is. He is a champion sleeper. Always wakes with a smile. He is a great nurser. Chooses to chill in his bouncer or swing and look at things rather than be held. But. Its just doesn't look like much when I read it back to myself.
No words can describe how incredibly blessed I am to have my two boys and my INCREDIBLE husband.
How do show happy in black and white?
Maybe this will help.
Con*ner Er*ic.
Born September 16th, 2009
8 pounds 11(and a half) ounces. (I told you he would be a hoss.)
Wonderful uncomplicated birth.
Scary gas (for me) the day after, followed by a very humbling enema that deserves it's OWN post. Seriously. AWFUL.
Mom, Dad, and brother couldn't be more proud.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
The mother of all updates.
Lets see. Where were we?
Oh yea,
I am fixing to have a BABY in 3 weeks. I am not sure how things went so quickly and it makes me sad in a way because, honestly? Even with the 100 degree heat I have had the best time with my little boy. Every day I still feel lucky. Every day I still thank God. Every day my heart swells at the sight of my husband preparing for his son. Every day I smile at my stretch marks.
I am thankful and there is no other way to say it.
E turned 9 this week and meets his third grade teacher today. I will take him to class with his school supplies today as he would rather die than have me walk him in on his first day. He is growing up so fast and is in between holding mom's hand and letting go and I am stuck in between holding him close and loosening my grip. It's a bittersweet time for us. He is going to be an amazing big brother and has been a big help in getting things ready. He puts his head up to my stomach and waits for his brother to kick him in the head which he ALWAYS does.
I have been pretty hormonal this week hence this sappy post.
END SAPPY
I am hungry y'all!
I mean like greasy cheeseburger hungry. 1 dozen doughnuts hungry. Dairy Queen Snickers Blizzard Hungry. Whole box of froot loops hungry.
I haven't been this bingeful minded since the days of the p*t.
Gestational Diabetes?
She sucks big fat hairy goat balls dipped in fat free soy milk.
I think I have done pretty well with it though. I have only gained 10lbs this whole pregnancy and the baby is measuring right on target. My sugar levels have been under control and if I cheat I try to be smart about it. I am pretty bad about taking bites of my family's stuff though.
The other night we went out to eat for E's birthday and he had Fries and Blossom Strips on his plate and Eric had mashed potatoes and the other side. I have been staying clear of potatoes because they really shoot my sugar up. Eric's mom started laughing and we looked and E had moved all his fries on the other side of his plate under his hamburger to get them away from my picking fingers. I mean, who takes their son's french fries off his plate on his birthday? His deprived 8 month pregnant starving mom, that's who. I had also been eating Eric's potatoes on the other side when he wasn't looking. I am starting to crack under the low carb pressure.
Well I gotta go meet the other woman is my kiddo's life for the next year.
Later Gators.
Oh yea,
I am fixing to have a BABY in 3 weeks. I am not sure how things went so quickly and it makes me sad in a way because, honestly? Even with the 100 degree heat I have had the best time with my little boy. Every day I still feel lucky. Every day I still thank God. Every day my heart swells at the sight of my husband preparing for his son. Every day I smile at my stretch marks.
I am thankful and there is no other way to say it.
E turned 9 this week and meets his third grade teacher today. I will take him to class with his school supplies today as he would rather die than have me walk him in on his first day. He is growing up so fast and is in between holding mom's hand and letting go and I am stuck in between holding him close and loosening my grip. It's a bittersweet time for us. He is going to be an amazing big brother and has been a big help in getting things ready. He puts his head up to my stomach and waits for his brother to kick him in the head which he ALWAYS does.
I have been pretty hormonal this week hence this sappy post.
END SAPPY
I am hungry y'all!
I mean like greasy cheeseburger hungry. 1 dozen doughnuts hungry. Dairy Queen Snickers Blizzard Hungry. Whole box of froot loops hungry.
I haven't been this bingeful minded since the days of the p*t.
Gestational Diabetes?
She sucks big fat hairy goat balls dipped in fat free soy milk.
I think I have done pretty well with it though. I have only gained 10lbs this whole pregnancy and the baby is measuring right on target. My sugar levels have been under control and if I cheat I try to be smart about it. I am pretty bad about taking bites of my family's stuff though.
The other night we went out to eat for E's birthday and he had Fries and Blossom Strips on his plate and Eric had mashed potatoes and the other side. I have been staying clear of potatoes because they really shoot my sugar up. Eric's mom started laughing and we looked and E had moved all his fries on the other side of his plate under his hamburger to get them away from my picking fingers. I mean, who takes their son's french fries off his plate on his birthday? His deprived 8 month pregnant starving mom, that's who. I had also been eating Eric's potatoes on the other side when he wasn't looking. I am starting to crack under the low carb pressure.
Well I gotta go meet the other woman is my kiddo's life for the next year.
Later Gators.
Friday, August 14, 2009
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