Monday, September 13, 2010

Grace and patience

My life is changing.

I didn't start this change. I am not even sure how it happened.

I am a new person.

I feel this urgency churning in my soul.

Something is happening in my life and I finally feel receptive for the plans laid out for me.

I am embracing my future.

I am loving my God.

Ok, I feel strange with that last statement.

I grew up in church.

Everyone around me seemed to get God. Seemed to hear him when he spoke. They has things figured out. Or so it seemed.

I pretended. I got very good at acting and I am sure I had some sort of relationship with Christ, but I wasn't a very good one. I knew what I was supposed to do and say to blend in with everyone else. I knew how to look "spiritual". But it was never me.
Finally when I just couldn't seem to find truth or make sense out of everyone elses truth, I gave up. I just couldn't live like them. It was too hard not to sin. As hard as I tried for perfection I just couldn't get there and I was tired.

For 10 years I pretended not to care. For a decade I have live the way I wanted. Done what was best for me. I didn't need God and he didn't need me. There were plenty of other people to do his will and I was happy to go my own way.

But he does need me!

He has my purpose.

I am his.

UHHGGGG. This sounds so cliche.

It is wonderful and crazy at the same time.

Everywhere I go I want to say, "Hey, Guess what"?

"I am tight with God again"

And then I feel all weird and like I can't go around yelling that. But I want to. Becuase


"Jesus is my homie"

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