My life is changing.
I didn't start this change. I am not even sure how it happened.
I am a new person.
I feel this urgency churning in my soul.
Something is happening in my life and I finally feel receptive for the plans laid out for me.
I am embracing my future.
I am loving my God.
Ok, I feel strange with that last statement.
I grew up in church.
Everyone around me seemed to get God. Seemed to hear him when he spoke. They has things figured out. Or so it seemed.
I pretended. I got very good at acting and I am sure I had some sort of relationship with Christ, but I wasn't a very good one. I knew what I was supposed to do and say to blend in with everyone else. I knew how to look "spiritual". But it was never me.
Finally when I just couldn't seem to find truth or make sense out of everyone elses truth, I gave up. I just couldn't live like them. It was too hard not to sin. As hard as I tried for perfection I just couldn't get there and I was tired.
For 10 years I pretended not to care. For a decade I have live the way I wanted. Done what was best for me. I didn't need God and he didn't need me. There were plenty of other people to do his will and I was happy to go my own way.
But he does need me!
He has my purpose.
I am his.
UHHGGGG. This sounds so cliche.
It is wonderful and crazy at the same time.
Everywhere I go I want to say, "Hey, Guess what"?
"I am tight with God again"
And then I feel all weird and like I can't go around yelling that. But I want to. Becuase
"Jesus is my homie"