Thursday, May 27, 2010


One of my earliest memories is Spending the weekend at my Aunt Elly's for family reunions. We lived next door to my great-grandmother and she would take me down a day early and all the women would gather in the kitchen, cooking, gossiping, all in the name of preparing for the 50 or so people that would come down on Friday night and stay through the weekend.

Aunt Elly lived in a small 2 bedroom frame house with a huge kitchen on the back and a bigger sun porch on the front. Her home was very simple and even though there was indoor plumbing ,the last and most recent modern addition to her home, there was also an outhouse.

My favorite thing to do was lay under the large claw foot table in her kitchen while the cooking and laughing commenced over my head.

That night I would curl up with my grandma in a soft feather bed with lots of feather pillows and giggle all the while her laughing and softly patting me on the leg to calm me into sleeping. I would roll over and grasp her earlobe between my fingers and drift off into perfect sleep.

The next day as family members would drift in, playmates would be added to the group one by one.

We chased chickens.

We fed the horses.

We made mud pies.

Adam would cry because he got dirty. Jack would cry after we made him sample the pie.

It was worth standing in the corner.

All eleven times.

Food was plenty. Even if the chickens were prepared from start to finish RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

Love was abundant.

My first glimpse of the fibers that knitted together who and what made me.

This weekend we will travel to a family reunion.

The location will be different.

More modern.

I will be one of the women in the kitchen.

My children will be making the pies and standing in the corner.

Some of the same people will be there and some will be looking down from above.

But the thing that won't change?

The Love.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

You know when you start that new relationship and you are all swooning in it's awesome sauce, dreaming of the happy future you will have together?

And then. AND THEN.

You google them to find out there is a website full of scorned woman who have been jilted by this peter puffer? Such things as taking money and making empty promises that they could never deliver. Leaving you stranded on the side of the road with no cab fair and a broken stap on your flip flop in 90 degree heat and you have to hop on one foot to the nearest payphone to call for a ride as to not burn you bare foot on the nasty pavement. Making YOU pay THEM while you are the "worker bee" in the relationship?

Well, this really hasn't happened to me. I mean it DID, but it wasn't a man so much as a stinkin company.

The company's name is Smelly Hippo Cooters.

Ok that is not really the name but the initials are the same.

I have spent the last week in a fog thinking that this may be a great opportunity for me. Doing what I feel in my bones I should be doing. I was dreaming of coming home exhausted and fulfilled. Knowing that I was helping people. The perks. The money. My chance to put all the training I have had to use. To use my license for the purpose it was intended.

That dream ended at 11:47pm with a quick google search.

I read on and on about all the disgruntled previous employees.

I am heart broken.

Stupid Smelly Hippo Cooters.

*"Why you gotz to lie, Craig?"

*"Why you gotz to liiieeee."

Eric did remind me that I should be thankful that I do have a job. And it is with a major player in the industry. Even though I don't like the position. Somewhere there is potential.

Well, He didn't say all that he just said, "Be thankful you gotz a job", but I like my affirmation better.

*Bonus points if you can tell me what movie this if from. No prize though except for my love and devotion.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Knock it off

Dear Top Colleges,

Stop calling to speak to my boss. Please.

He did not request information on colleges on the Internet yesterday.

IT was me and it was a total accident.

To the ass-monkey that I spoke to on the phone,

"You will not be able to talk to my boss for him to request to be taken off your list. He has a PHD and, I assure you, has no interest in furthering his college career."

The only reason that you were alerted of this request is I accidentally clicked the wrong button on a pop up and I don't need you alerting HIM that I was dicken around on the Internet.

No Thanks.

Have a nice day.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Back in the stirrups

I gained four pounds since Conner started eating more solid foods. I guess I can no longer shove whatever I want down my gullet and expect him to suck the pounds away.

Silver lining= I found hot, mail(I just went back to reread, which I hardly ever do and I mean MALE. I just wanted you to see what everyone else is dealing with on a day to day basis with me.) yoga in the Netflix work-out instant watch section. I think that might be enough to get a morning work-out routine started.

I am not sure what is wrong with me but I have been feeling very light-headed the last couple of days. I went for my birth-control check-up. It's ACTUALLY my annual exam but I only went because they threatened to not give me my pills; and even though it took 3 years to have our bundle of joy, the thought of doing it again so soon sort of get me panicky. (I really didn't expect to feel that way)


I have been feeling like I am perpetually tipsy, buzzed, spacey, dreaming, but not in a good way. Moving my head to fast makes me dizzy. Reaching above my head and things like that I can't tolerate right now so I am getting a little alarmed.

My Dr. check my ears for infection and my blood for anemia and my blood-sugar and there is no reason for me to feel this way. My blood pressure was border-line high, which is very strange since it was perfect during pregnancy but they said it is something we need to watch.

So my doc said, "Call me if it doesn't go away."

Me,"How long?"

Him, "Whenever, it will probably go away?"

Me, "Probably"

Me, "Liiiike in a couple days?"

Him, "That's fine"

Me, "What's fine?"

Him, "It will go away."

Me, "But, I feel like I just drank a shot of tequila all the time."

Him, "Well then maybe you should make an appointment with your doctor."

Me, ?????????????????

So, I don't really have a primary care Dr. and they referred me to one that just got indicted for pre*scription handling a*buse. So I guess I need to find someone else. I am really worried about the whole thing. I don't feel right. I feel like I am in a dream.

I am scared that this is


How could I possible be depressed. I don't FEEL depressed.

Do I?

I took the online quizzes and ya know what?

I do.


I know something is off.

But I do know I am happy. Just very, very tired.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Camp co-sleep?

So Conner has slept in the same bed with me since he came home from the hospital, give or take a few nights. I usually put him down at night in his own crib and then go get him on his first wake-up or sometimes when I am going to bed (simply because I am lazy and don't want to have to get up in 25 minutes, when he decides it time for a snack.) I love sleeping with him. Feeling his little warm body all snugly. The way he pats my face when he wakes up (or sticks a finger in my nose). The smile he has when he wakes up. Not having to get out of bed since he still nurses 2-3 times a night. It just makes me feel good.

However, I am still hearing the "thunk" he made when he went off our California king bed unto the floor. I don't think I will ever get that sound out of my head. It hurt my heart way worse than it did him. In fact, he was laughing minutes after it happened and was trying to eat the frozen waffle I was putting on his teeny boo-boo. But I still felt awful. I knew it was coming as he is getting very active in his sleep and I just didn't take the appropriate precautions. This happened a week ago and I know have pillows on the floor and huge barricade on one side of the bed and sleep with my hand on him so that if he moves I wake up. So far it has worked. But I don't want it to happen again.

All last week I tried to work with him at sleeping in his own bed and he is having nothing of it. Now he doesn't even want to go down in his bed and I can only guess it's because I spend all last week trying to keep him in it all night instead of bringing him in with me. He will be sound asleep in my arms and scream when he feels himself touch the mattress. I can't do cry it out. I just can't do it. I don't want to.

I want him with me.

Maybe we should just buy a king sized crib.

Camp co-sleep?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Under Pressure

Well I think it's finally happening.

I am coming down from the high of new mommy hood and looking around at the chaos that is my job, house, finances, personal life and having a leeeeetle tiny melt-down.

I am blissfully happy.

My house is a shambles.

I am totally awe struck with my children.

I needz a good nights sleep.

I am totally bonded with the Connor's daddy.

I feel out of sinc with my husband.

I am happy that my mother found love.

I hate(ish) my new step-father.

I don't need or want anything.

It's a good thing cause I gotz no money in the bank.

I am thankful I have a job

I hate(full blown) my job.

I get to travel to see extended family next month.

The circumstances for the trip, however, suck.

I take Vacation the first week of July.

Sing it with me now. "IIIIIIIII aint got no muuuuhahuuuuuny.

I love my blog.

You get crappy posts like this...