Tuesday, August 26, 2008


My dashboard says this is my 100th post but on my blog it say 98th. This is a pretty heavy one so we are going to say that it is the 100th.

We got the results back from Eric's test and long story short....

Everything borders on abnormal
Everything that should be high is low.

Does this mean that we cannot get pregnant? No. Does it mean it presents more of a fucking challenge? Yes.

All this time I just knew there was a problem with me. I never once considered that Eric.

This is new territory. I am lost and I feel like I am about to drown.

I know how to test for ovulation, pee on sticks, supplements, iui...

What is the FUCK do I know about semen? Nothing. I know its wet, and sometimes sticky and not very pleasant when its your turn the sleep in "the spot".

We have to meet with an RE that is a given. But what do I do until then?

I know Eric is sad but he doesn't show these things and when he does it is in a sarcastic way and I know that he is hurting. I do not know how to comfort him or even if he wants me too. I love him so much and I KNOW how he is probably feeling and I hurt for my husband.

He just felt all the negative pee sticks, every sign of flo, every monthly disappointment in one FUCKING test.

He is watching CNN I am blogging...I guess Mars and Venus

Monday, August 25, 2008

Don't Pick at it!!!

If you have a soft spot in your tile and the grout looks a little dingy, for the love of God, Do Not Pick at it!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I am trying to upload pics and blogger is not wanting to so to sum it up.

Eric was scubbing the tile because he thought the bathroom tile needed to be regrouted. The wall fell apart in his hands.

I wanted to have some interesting posts everyday. I am sorry.

Also I sometimes don't due what I aim to so you will have to get used to it.

But, if you think I am falling down on ICLW I am not. I managed to comment on 56 blogs friday. I have not replied to comments though but do not fear I will.

Now read statement above that promise...I will try my best.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The dream

Ok, while the dream is not as fresh as this morning; I did make notes so I think it will be ok.

My dream started with Eric bringing me a positive pee stick and telling me it was positive. I did not remember peeing on one but I didn't care. Heck. I was seeing a positive pee stick. It was the one with a plus sign with I hardly ever use not really sure which brand though. I was all excited and was going to tell everyone at the FAMILY GATHERING that we were having.

Well the next thing you know I am at the SKATING RINK and in walks B*LL CL*NTON and says "I am here for the Reunion and I need help getting to your house" I swear with my hand on the bible this is what I said to him

"Look even though you were the president. My husband is a very jealous man and he will beat the living shit out of you if you touch me" (yes I curse even while dreaming apparently).

We get home and I live in a mobile home. I am not saying there is anything wrong with mobile homes I have owned a few of them. However, I do not live in one now but I didn't seem concerned.

I get in the house and then get ready to go to school. My,well, somebody I don't remember who now said "You go to school at night" and I am all "Well, shit, I need to be at work then. I then realize that I am so late for work and I did not call so I am screwed.

Just then there is a knock at the door and it is my boss. Well my one of them. The one who sits and talks and reads to me all day. She is all looking in that glass window in mobile home doors and she sees me.

So I start acting as sick as I can so that I don't get in trouble.

The phone starts ringing loudly and I can't act feeble and try to find the phone so I'm saying somebody please get the phone.

I then wake up and realize it is the alarm.

I got up early so I could umm assist Eric with his dreaded task...(at hand). I can't really elaborate because he will get all mad. But just know that I was an ass and laughed the ENTIRE time. I got kicked out and was banned from the bedroom.

I am such an ass sometimes..oops

*snicker snicker snicker
*giggle giggle

What do pee sticks, and presidents have in commen?


Wow, I need a dream interpreter over here stat! Here are the elements in my dream

  • positive pregnancy test
  • B*ll Cl*nton
  • Skating Rink
  • Boss
  • College
  • Family Gathering

Ok so I was going to tell you the dream; but after comprising the list I thought of something much more interesting.

Since it is ICLW week, I want YOU to tell ME what you think my dream was. Since we get more comments than usual I think this will be funny.

I thought about throwing in a chicken for comic affect even though there was not one in my dream so if you feel that this dream needs a chicken feel free to throw one in.



Just a little hint... This was absolutely, in no way, a sex dream about the former pr*sid*ent. Just wanted to clear that up because ewww. Keep guessing

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Things I did at Lunch

1. Went to school to meet E’s teacher. (His packet was already picked up by his father and was filled out with his info and not mine grrrrr)
2. Went to X’s home got the folder to correct.
3. Went home and complained to Eric
4. Went to the bank
5. Picked up Eric’s cup (requested a bag so I didn’t have to carry the cup. They then placed said cup in a bag advertising birth control . Now I am scared I jinxed the cup.
6.Bought a hot dog.

Things I will do tonight

1. Shower
2. Go to a fundraiser kickoff
3. Go to bed early


So Eric made me promise to delete the posts last night if he helped me find the remote for my TV in the bedroom. He did end up finding it so here goes.

Due to the fact that the lady at the lab royally pissed me off yesterday, I may have been a tad hostile and he may not have been as big of an ass that I made him out to be. He was deeply involved in watching the Olympics and didn't want to be disturbed.

I hear by declare that Eric does not or for the most part has never been such an ass that he leaked rancid grease.

I do love him so.

Now back to the lab. I have found that Eric's tests are covered completely (tyfm!) He is a little freaked so I emailed him this post so that he knows that he is not alone. And because it is so moving and sweet and that is what I want he to focus on, the bigger picture.

Anyway, the lab says we need to pre-register as we will be bring the sample from home. So I stopped yesterday to do this. The hospital is 30 miles away so I though I would go ahead and due this while I was there and save a trip.

Come to find out you have to pre-register the day of. Yes they want us to drive over, go home, get the stuff, and come back. So not happening. Eric will have to do it all on his own now because I will not be able to go with him. He is not happy about this at all.

It feels to me that when we have trouble with something we call a professional. Whether it be a plumber, contractor, mechanic etc. They make us feel better and fix the problem. They normally work until we are satisfied or they do not get paid. Doctors on the other hand get paid regardless. They have that little insurance card before they even see you. If they do not do what you expect..no worries they still get paid. Maybe if they got paid when a service was completed they would do a better job. I'm just sayin

Also the fact that people with insurance are charged more than people without is PURE D bullshit. Again, I'm just sayin

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wordless Wednesday


This is going to sound stupid, but I have had so much swimming around in my head and events this week that I simply could not form a post about any of it.

My baby boy turned 8 years old and we celebrated with a sleepover complete with tents in the back yard. We played laser tag and I let him make his own cake (he wanted to). We had a wonderful time and his little friend was a very well behaved child. I hope that E is that good when he goes to someone's home.

The boys made it until about 9:30 in the tent. They then decided that they would not be able to sleep due to the noise outside (and they were scared to death)

I will post more later I need sleep.

Hubs is an ass today....you are Eric.....Pure Ass that oozes rancid grease.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Austa La Vista

Apparently Peter lives next door but the owners decided to leave all 3 new kittens outside by themselves for over 24 hours. That figures.

Meet Peter

Thursday, August 14, 2008


So, I got the date wrong for my Dr appointment and it was today not yesterday. I was strangely excited and more prepared than I have ever been for an appointment. I made a list of all my concerns and questions. I waited in the lobby with all the pregnant people. I am sure that I was the only one that had makeup on and for bonus points I left my child at home.

So Dr. Do nothing came in and did the basic things for my annual exam. Listened to me for about 30 seconds, scribbled in my chart and told me to get dressed. As I was taking off the pink paper gown the tears started. I found a box of tissues and started working to compose myself as the Dr came back into the room

"Why are you crying" he asked. Well folks, I lost it. I ranted and spit and just well, lost it. I said I was tired of feeling that no one in the medical profession gave a rats ass if I ever got pregnant or not. I fumed that there was one Dr to check Eric's sperm and wanted a quarter of an IUI to do it. I went off.

So Dr Do a Little starts scrambling around for cards and referrals. Now there are 3 clinics that will test Eric's sperm at a fraction of the price and he is pretty sure insurance will pick up the tab. Also if Eric checks out to be fine then Dr. Do a Little More is concerned that scar tissue from my C-section may be hindering my tubes from working correctly and that laser surgery may be necessary. If that was the case he would personally handle the referral to a surgeon he knows that is the best he has seen. (He does not handle that kind of surgery)

I am super surprised that I didn't leave that office with some Zoloft because at one point I saw "commit this woman" in his eyes. I thanked Dr. Helpful for the information, paid my bill and headed to my car.

Next I called the insurance company and asked if sperm analysis was covered and if it is coded correctly it most certainly is.

When I got home I got on the Internet and started this post but could not put it in the right words. I did figure out twitter so check that out on my sidebar. And you can email me now so I look forward to hearing from you guys.

Instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself I took E skating. We got there and there is just something about a skating rink that soothes me. I think it is the great music that they play but I started skating and I could not stop. I went round and round for what seemed like forever. I was taken back with all the tunes to past times when I was a kid and LIVED to go skating every weekend.

I even had a smile on my tear-stained face. Then this started playing. Now I have really been wrestling with my faith for the last few years. Me and God have had a strained relationship since my parents' divorce. It has gotten even worse in the last year. I stopped talking when He stopped listening.

Well when Casting Crowns started blaring so did I. I bet people thought I was nuts cause I was really letting God have it. I cried, skated, yelled at God, I even said ..I am pissed at you. Now I know you are not supposed to say that to him but I was and well, still am. I said "you always let me fall". As sure as I am sitting here typing He said to me "I let my son die and looked how much I loved him" Silence......"Well I am still mad".

After that we had a lovely time and I guess I just settled down and let my mind rest.

When we got home I put E to bed and I called my Aunt and talked to her for a while. I was standing at my sliding glass door and looking back at me was the smallest little kitten looking back at me. I told my aunt I had to go and opened the door and he walked right in and started loving on me.

I just sat and cried. I am crying now. God did listen and he sent me a baby to hold in my arms even if its just tonight. This little guy is setting in my lap with his motor boat going resting.

Thank you God and I am sorry I said pissed to you. I think I will name the little guy Peter after his mama. I will try not to deny you again.

Oh yea, I will post pics just as soon as I can.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


A girl on my gaming site just got asked if her twins were natural. People are such assholes tonight!

Snooty Mothers Club

Why is it that people will not volunteer their precious time but want to criticize how other people do it. I am trying to a job that was given to me on CHRISTMAS FREAKIN EVE, that nobody wanted I might add, with NO training and I have never even taught a Sunday school class.

You people put me in a room with 15 kids and stand there and watch me while they run around scalping each other. I am new to this too but am trying to make the best of it so that my son can get badges and learn how to tie knots and stuff.

If you would help me a little we might have SOME of the organization you crave.

Who cares that there is no agenda they are 8 as long as we give them a game and a snack they are good I promise.

Also when you have a meeting (roasting) at you home it is NOT polite to stand outside and talk to the other mom while I am sitting at your kitchen table.

Here is the agenda for the next meeting


Also I gotta got the gyno tomorrow and I am so pissed and shakey that I am scared to shave my legs and trim the lady bits.

Thank you for the pleasant evening.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Dear Ralph

Dear Ralph Lauren,

I took half of summer to find just the right swim suit. I scoured the Internet and every store in town. I tried on 2 dozen. Some reduced me to tears and some were just not quite right. Some would have worked but I just didn't feel like they were the one for me.

Well It was a blistering hot day in July and I was sweetly telling (bugging the shit out of) Eric that I would not be able to participate in our vacational activities if I did not find a swim suit. He stopped at hillsborro outlet strip mall and (dumped me out) quietly insisted that I could not get back in the car until I had a swim suit in my hand.

Your store was the first store that I came to. I walked in and was greeted by your lovely (size 2) sales girl who directed me to your rack of swim wear.

That is when I saw it. It was speaking to me from the hanger. I grabbed my size(none of your beez wax) and went to the dressing room. FYI it is not nice to have the sales lady stand out side when you are trying to wriggle around in the dressing room while putting on a bathing suit. Anyway, I love love loved it. The fit was great, it was slimming I could not ask for a better suit.

I am an ample bosomed woman and here in lies the problem. There is the tiniest foam pad in the lining of the booby area. I am assuming this is to cover headlights but really it doesn't do that so being that a full figure woman usually doesn't need padding; I think you should just not have that in there.

If you must keep the padding do something so that is does not fold in half while wearing said suit so that we do not look like we have a pack of matches covering out boobies. I don't know about anyone else but I would rather have high beams than someone to think that I am storing something in there.

I hope you consider what I have said and use my advice in your designs next summer.

Thanks a bunch

I got tagged!!!

I got tagged for a meme. This is my first time and I would like thank Anna for tagging me and making me feel special. Also Anna went through a difficult couple of days and I very happy that today is better for her.

The meme is "Songs that make us cry". As everyone I have many that make the tears flow. But the one song that still gets me is

Tim McGraw "Angry all the time"

My parents were going through their divorce when this song first came out. The lyrics make me think of my parents. I may post about that another day. Below are the lyrics if you are interested.

I think I shall tag.......Ophelia (who I just found and really like her writing), dear Kate(who is also awesome), Io(you too girly), and anyone else who would like to do this.

"Angry All The Time"

Here we are
What is left of a husband and a wife four good kids
Who have a way of gettin on with their lives
I'm not old but I'm getting a whole lot older every day
It's too late to keep from goin' crazy I got to get away

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

Our boys are strong the spittin image of you when you were young
I hope someday they can see past what you have become
I remember every time I said I'd never leave
What I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

Twenty years have came and went since I walked out of your door
I never quite made it back to the one I was before
And God it hurts me to think of you For the light in your eyes was gone
sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

2 more Gripes

1. All my comments were erased from one of my posts!!

2. Everytime I log into blogger there is about 5 newborn babies. they are adorable. they really are but come on I am logging on to whine that I do not have one. Ok I am a total bitch...to all who owns those babies they are very pretty and I am very jealous.

Wishing for WORDLESS

She is at it again. I think I may let a silent fart so she will forced to take a walk as to sit in my "own little cloud". Now how do I make sure to go SILENT but deadly? This could go very bad if it makes a sound cause then, I look like an ass who farts in front of people. She is still going. Ok. I guess I will take a walk cause I am just too concerned about the noise and now I gotta fart.

Wordless Wednesday

This is my nephew holding a fish. We had to pry it out of his little hands.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Catching my breath

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a fantabulous weekend. I was too tired to update yesterday but I have a LOT to get off my chest. As I mentioned last post my grandparents came to visit for a few days.

I was prepared. The toilets were scrubbed, everything in its home, vacuumed, scrubbed, mopped and I even made sure the cabinets and closets were tidy. I stocked the house with groceries and greeted with a smile on my face. Everything was great Thursday night. We invited Eric's parents over for dinner and my mom came. We had a wonderful time.

Here is where the shiteth hiteth the fan:

You all know the favorite question right??? Yep. When are y'all gonna have a baby. DUM, DUM, DUUUUUM. I shrugged off, laughed off, gave little detail. Finally by that night mind you there were only here 4 hours all the hated things were said.

  • God will work in his time.
  • Maybe you should adopt a little baby then you would get pregnant

It gets so much worse. Here is what I was not prepared for:

"Oh honey, you aren't taking any of those fertility pills are you? Those things seem so dangerous to me. Its just not natural and who knows what it will do to your body. You know God is the only one capable of creating life and if you screw around with that you are in trouble. You know that they are growing babies in the tubes now? I saw it on oh...one of those talk show.....i don't remember which one. I just wonder if those children are natural. I just don't think its right. You just don't play with God's work."

I felt the heat in my face, I took a very deep cleansing breath and went to bed.


Don't tell anyone over 65 about fertility. They will not get it and will probably say something that will royally piss you off.