Thursday, December 31, 2009

Party like its 1999

Fourteen days into 2009 (subsequently,Eric's birthday) we were overjoyed with an ounce of pee and a plastic stick. Panicked a week later when I was put on bed rest for what a appeared to be a threatened miscarriage. Each week as I grew a little person in my body, we learned more about ourselves and each other with each new step we took towards meeting our baby boy.

This whole year has been broken down into weeks as we approach the end or week 53, I can honestly say I will be sad to see the end.

I look back at the end of 2008 and the contrast is SCARY.

Faith and whole lot of luck brought us through 2008 and Hope rocketed us through 2009.

2009 made Eric and I a team. Just when I thought we couldn't be any closer, 8 pounds and 11 ounces added another layer of cement to our foundation. We work as one and its really pretty awesome. We are big piles of mush these days.

"Look he smiled"

"He waved, I don't think he means too, maybe he does, we must have a *genius baby".

Our family has come a long way baby.

I hope 2010 is packed with just as many memories.

A shit ton of smiles and only happy tears...

*The genius baby's mother couldn't spell genius..thanks spellchecker, you asshole.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Everyday I sit in my vehicle pumping milk for the next day at work. I always wonder if someone is watching and knows what I am doing. I feel sorry for them if they are trying to catch a boob shot because the sight of my boobs would deter anyone who has never nursed a baby to start stocking up on formula NOW.

I am pretty happy about the way breast feeding is going though. I always said I would do it unless there was major problems or if it really hurt. I am a baby so sue me. I had a really ruff time feeding E and knew that I didn't want to go through that stress.

But I never had any trouble at all. No soreness or bleeding. Conner took to the boob like he knew exactly what to do. I have always had plenty of milk. Now that he is getting bigger I don't exactly have a freezer full but we always have enough for the next day. Nothing I eat seems to bother him and he has no trouble using a bottle during the day and then switching to me at night.

We have started cereal and stage 1 baby foods. My kid is hungry yo. I was going to wait until the 4 month mark but he started staring so intently at our food and MOVING his mouth like he was eating that I felt sorry for him. We started with a little cereal and he LOVED it. He even makes mmmm sounds. SO. CUTE.

Now we have cereal in the morning and a veggie at night and he still drinks about 30 ounces of breast milk a day.

So I guess we will keep plugging along like we are going until any problems like, umm, TEETH.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Teen Mom on MTV makes me want to rip my eyeballs out every time I watch it, but for some reason I still have to watch. I just want to give them all a good spanking and not the good kind.

Christmas was great! We stayed home together for the whole holiday and if anyone wanted to see us they came here. I actually had dinner with both my parents and their significant others AT THE SAME TIME. It was a little awkward, but nothing a little wine and rum couldn't handle.

I haven't talked about it much but my parents divorce kinda screwed me up a little. I was 23 and thought my parents would be together forever. Sure they argued from time to time and couldn't exactly be called the Cleavers, but my dad loved my mom, my mom loved my dad.

I am not really sure what all happened, but I do know that I was put in the middle of the divorce and learned WAY too much about the problems in their marriage.

They are now rebuilding THEIR lives with new WEIRDO love and I am left trying to have a relationship with them and their new WEIRDO lovers. It's fun.

Hopefully one day we will work out the kinks and I will feel like I actually HAVE parents that want to be there for me. Who not only worry about themselves and their happiness, but actually give a rats ass about my feelings. I guess I should just be happy that I got to grow up before they decided to go crazy or I don't know who would have taken care of me.

Despite the quirky relationships, I am happy that I got to spend Christmas with both of them. I do love them. Very much.

I do have parents though. I have another mom who is my best friend and confidant. Who doesn't judge me and offers advice HELPFULLY and not HURTFULLY. She is beautiful and awesome and I love her. She didn't give birth to me but she did give birth to my husband so I get her by default and I am very lucky.

My other Dad is pretty great too. He cooks for me when I am sick and loves and takes care of my children. He's got my back and I love him.

So I hope everyone had a great Christmas and enjoyed putting up with your wacky relatives. Here's to New Years. The holiday were it is expected of you to walk around with a drink in your hand.

Monday, December 21, 2009

So this woman walks into a..

Have you ever had the dream where you walk into work naked?

Yeah, me too.

I walked into my office today running late getting back from lunch (as usual).They were waiting on me to get back as they needed some papers on my desk for a customer. So everyone was looking at me when I walked in the door.

I breeze in and everyone is just staring.

I look down and what do I have in my hand?

My portable breast pump.

I had been in a hurry when I jumped in the car and I guess I never sat it down I just had it in my hand while I was driving. So when I got out of the car I just carried it into work with me. I usually pump in my car in the afternoon since my office is so small that there is really no place for me to go.

Geeeod that sucks. So, do you think they knew what it was? I mean, the bell on it all but has a sign that says, "Put boobie here".

I shoved it under my desk as quickly as possible. Trying to only look a little mortified. Now it is sitting under my desk with my coat on top of it.

I forgot my purse so It looks like I will be carrying out the way I brought it in.

GAH! It's a good thing this is a short week.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Party Planner

I just adore people that can take a picture and capture a story or a feeling. The lighting is always perfect and even just a simple picture of a hand can make you weepy. My husband is one of those people.

He can take a pic of the kids that make me feel warm and fuzzy and I can stand in the exact same spot just seconds later and take the SAME shot and it is just a picture.

I spent 30 minutes trying to practice taking pictures of the baby while he was sleeping and I just couldn't get it right.

Then I forgot my camera completely when I went to E's Christmas party.

I think that is going to be one of my New Years resolutions is to get more familiar with my camera and not let so many moments pass me by.

Yesterday E was the little baby snoozing in my bed or so its feel like it. But no, that was 9 years ago. Nine years from today I hope I remember my new sons soft chubby cheek, covered with his chubby little hand while sleeping peacefully just as vividly as if I would have captured it perfectly on my camera.

I hope when E walks across the stage to receive his diploma, that I remember the scowl from his little pre-preteen face when I absent-mindedly kissed him on the top of his head, in front of all his friends at his Christmas party today. Also, I want to remember the little smile following the scowl that told me he secretly liked it.

I also hope the mother the made the pigs in a blanket remembers to use crescent rolls next time and wasn't too offended when E told the class that mine were so much better. But I hope that he knows that even though I gave him THAT LOOK, I secretly appreciated the complement.

And you really should use crescent rolls when you make pigs in a blanket..they are better.

Monday, December 14, 2009

'O' Yeah

Dear Reebok,

While laying in bed eating my Pizza Collision Doritos and drinking my sweet tea and watching Friends, I saw your commercial for these:

I have to know do they really make your ass look better? Really?

Do they really tone up your legs while you are just casually walking around the house or do you have to use them to hike and run? I mean will they work just being on my feet? Like if I put them on and just stood they poking my ass out like the lady in the commercial. Are they working then?

What about when I am watching tv?

I need to know this before I make the purchase.

At a hundred bucks I need to know that they will do what you say in the commercial. If I can get my butt to look HALF as good as the lady in the commercial then we can get Eric on board. If not I am just going to buy another pair of $45 Adidas

Thank you in advance for appeasing my inquiring mind. Oh yeah, do those little black shorts she wears come with the purchase? If so, I am going to need a little bit bigger size than she is wearing I am sure. After all she OBVIOUSLY has already been wearing her shoes quite a bit.

Marie at That Special Water.

Dear Frito-Lay,

Because of your Pizza Collision Doritos, I have to order special ass toning shoes. Enclosed is a bill for $50.00.

I am only holding you half responsible for the spreading as I am sure I am half at fault for eating said chips. Its takes two, Frito-Lay, that I know. If you didn't make your Pizza Collision Doritos SO Delicious and now EASIER TO FIND, then we would not be having this conversation.

I need payment by Christmas but if you can't handle the claim by then I will take the money no later than Jan 1st because I don't really see myself worrying TOO much about ass until then.

Thanks so much,
Marie at That Special Water.

Friday, December 11, 2009

The shit that runs through my head

I am so glad that Conner's poop schedule is so that I don't have to change those blowouts. (Thank you Nana)

My grandfather sorta looks like Hugh Hefner and he is a minister. I wonder if anyone else has ever noticed that?

I can't wait to go see Christmas lights tonight.

I wonder if we will have to pull over so I can breast feed.

It's weird how I don't think anything about whipping out a tit in front of Eric's dad.

I would never do that in front of my own dad.

I think it would be weird to breast feed if I had a daughter.

We call Conner a boob man.

That's just weird.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


15 days till Christmas and I have bought exactly 3 gifts and a few stocking stuffers. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel the anxious about no gifts under the tree. I feel peace.

It's not really about the money even though with being off of work with NO maternity leave pay has left us kind of low on cash, its because our family has everything we could ever need.

Sure there are still some "Santa" gifts to buy but for the most part I am just enjoying the holiday for what it is supposed to be.

The tree is up and our lights outside are beautiful (thanks babe). We are watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. We went and saw Santa. My children and husband will get time from me this Christmas. Love, hugs and kisses. We will not over schedule ourselves and get crazy about where we go and who we see. There will be no expensive electronics or hot toys that will be forgotten by January, but I hope the memories we give them will last through the year.

My plans are to spend time with E this weekend making cookies and family gifts in our kitchen and family game night.

Next weekend Eric and I will spend Saturday shopping for all of our Christmas gifts we plan to buy while Conner spends the day and night(gulp) with his grandparents and Sunday I will watch E sing in the Christmas play at his church.

This Christmas I feel complete.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Six Shooter

Continued from here

So as everyone ELSE enjoying their pizza I am playing with my Chicken's bath water. Eric offered me a bite of his pizza and I thought one little bite won't do anything so I partook. Ok it wasn't a little bite so much as half a slice but I did consume it in one bite so that counts right?

I still felt great. No pain, but no gas either.

I napped a little.

Then walked.

Drank more sprite and ate more ice chips.

Then after night nurse left and the baby and Eric were sleeping I had a teeeny little cookie.

Still felt great.

The next morning I am in the bathroom showering and I come out to a covered dish. Eric and the nurse were talking and I thought I am not touching that shit they probably dipped an egg in water and expect me to eat that. But as I got closer I realized it was EGGS, BACON, BISCUITS, JELLY, BUTTER. I start to get the tray ready and the nurse says, "That is your husbands plate since he gets one meal."


"What?" Where is Marie's bacon and eggs?!?!?!

You still can't eat if you have not passed gas. Have you?

"Yes, Yes I did".

"Are you sure?" (I am a totally bad liar) I hung my head in shame and said "NO, I still can't go but I feel great so I think I could handle some eggs."

"I can't give you anything your doctor insists that you pass gas first. You can ask him when he makes his rounds but let me give you something in your iv that might help you along. Keep eating your ice chips and drinking.

The Dr. came in and was checking me out and I was all I feel fine. Just don't have any gas.

You pass gas or no eat (My Dr is Korean, and I have no clue how to do a Korean accent in print so just imagine him talking in Korean.mmkay? Its funnier that way)

"Very important you pass gas".

"What happens if I don't?" I asked.

"You will"

"If I don't?"

"No food"

"So what if I don't pass gas and eat. What would happen?"

"You could get distended bowel"

I did not like the sound of that.

"We have to put tube down your throat or open you back up".

I REALLY didn't like the sound of that. Cue pure terror on my face.

Dr. left I started feeling rumblings in my tummy.

Then the first gas pain hit.


Then all hell broke loose. I started crying hysterically.

"Its the PIZZA AND THE COOKIES. I am getting distended bowel and I am going to DIIIIE".

"Conner won't have a mother because I couldn't listen to my Dr."

It was bad. I have never in my life felt pain like that. The nurse came in and everyone was instruct out of the room. My eyes were glazed over and I was loosing my shit people. Almost out of it so much that I didn't see the bag the looked surprisingly similar to the enema bag that assaulted me with the day before. ALMOST. "Wait, What's that".

I stopped my fit and locked eyes with my nurse and said "Please tell me that is not what I think it it."

She didn't back down, the scrappy little thing. "You have trapped gas"

I had NEVER heard that term but I didn't like it.

"We are hoping the enema will help you release it".

At this point I was in so much pain and in no position to plead or bargain so I did what I could do to assume the position. She not only administered the WHOLE bag but then had to ROLL me from side to side. It was the most undignified thing. EVER.

Happy ending though.

The gas was released and I am here to blog about it.

Funny asside. Did you know that the ice chips at the hospital have air blown in them? Yeah they do that for a reason. Ice chips ARE THE DEVIL.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Don't pop the bubble wrap.

"Do NOT pop the bubble wrap in the front seat because I need that".

"Oooooh, we have bubble wrap?"

"Marie, I am serious. Don't."

This is a permanent character flaw for me. When someone says do not do something, well, that's really all I think about doing. Why Eric doesn't KNOW this after 6 years I have no clue. As I drove to work this morning I stared at the tempting, air filled bubbles, just waiting to be popped. To make matters worse I get stopped by a train. I am not going to say that ALL the bubbles remained in tact, but Eric should still be able to ship his package safely...

I do have a point here. This post is not all about bubble wrap. No. It's really about farting. Put your honey bun down because this will probably get just a little graphic.

The Baby C (we still need a nickname) was scheduled to be born Sept 16th at 7:30 am. Thank the Lord I didn't have to wait for the second delivery slot which was at 11:30. I was not allowed to eat anything after midnight.

Now due to my very rebellious issues and the fact that I was on an eat every time my mouth opened schedule, I was worried about the lack of food that would NOT be shoveled into my fat pregnant gullet.

I wasn't worried about being cut open or rearranged in my gut region. I was worried about getting hungry and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

We had a lovely dinner of endless shrimp at Red Lobster the night before the surgery followed by a small chocolate milkshake at around 10pm. When I went to bed I was GOOD. The following morning however, I was STARVING. My body didn't know it was going through major surgery. The baby didn't KNOW he was entering the world to suckle at my TOTALLY AWESOME SWEET MILKING PRODUCING BOOBIE. We were hungry. THE END.

I made it through the surgery so good and everything was great. I felt so good and didn't REALLY need to pain shot. I totally took it anyway because HELLO, long time since I have had anything stronger than a TYLENOL and maybe, just maybe it would make me forget about my hollow belly.

The nurse finally came in and offered me ice chips and sprite and said, "Let us know when you pass gas". People if I knew then what I know now I would have sat up in my bed and bitch slapped that ho into the Christmas holiday.

I crunched my ice chips and drank my sprite like I had been walking through a desert with a horse with no name (try to get that song out of your head now I dare you) and wondered do I need to toot? No, I don't think so.

When the numbness wore off I decided to try out my sea legs a bit and also was told that that would help me stimulate a fluff so that I could get some dinner. I still was in NO PAIN. I walked all over the hospital. Down to the nursery to compare the cuteness of the other babies which I have to tell you, either it was a slow day or there were just no other babies created that day that compared to mine. I got back to my room and nothing not even a squeak of a fart.

So I settled in with my little cutie pie and napped and chatted with visitors and tried to forget about my hunger pains. At supper they brought broth. BROTH. Juices from a boiled chicken. Liquid. "This is all you can have until you pass gas doctors orders". As I am sitting there eating,and I use this term loosely, my husbands buddy brought in pizza for me. If that was not enough to burst into a sobbing fit my mommy had brought me m&m cookies to eat after the birth and my grandmother had brought brownies. I am not a total fat kid but I had not partaken in any of those treats for the past 5 months and I was ready to get my sugar induced grub on.

As I stared at the melty cheese and smelled the sausagy goodness I thought "What would one little bit hurt".

Stayed tuned for part two of "What it hurt"

Saturday, December 5, 2009

First and Last Santa Visit

We went and saw Santa today.

E reluctantly agreed to see Santa one last time. He has already informed me that he is pretty sure about the whole Santa story but still wants to believe in the "magic" of Christmas. When Santa asked what he wanted this year he looked straight at me and said, "A GOOD mountain bike, a really good one".

I knew it was coming and I am pretty sure he was questioning it last year so it wasn't that big of a suprise. He mailed a letter today and I forgot to get it out of the mailbox before the postman came, but the letter was gone when we got home so I need to thank our mail carrier I guess.

I always sneek the letter our and put it in my jewlery box. He found his last letter to the tooth fairy and told me about it so I stopped leaving money under his pillow. So, I bet if he finds the Santa letter he won't say a thing.

The baby was so cute with Santa. He wasn't scared at all and even smiled for the picture. I would post a picture but I am still not sure just how much I want to post that would identify me and my kids. I like having a place to post my thoughts annonymously. I am still trying to figure out a good blog name for the baby. I call him boo bear, stinker boo, suger booger, and any other rediculas name I can come up with because well, I am a nutcase and he is so stinking cute.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The real post

Sorry about yesterday I accidentally hit publish and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to come up with a post. Do you know how many times I have sit down at my computer to post? Its on my mind all the time. Even Eric is asking when I am going to blog again.

The truth is I want to put up the really profound post explaining how we are mystified by the new little creature the fills our days and nights. How I can't believe we survived the last 5 years without his little warm body snuggled up against us when he is sleeping.

I can't put into words how all the epic fails in our lives don't seem to matter when we look at his smile.

When we settle down in the rocker at night to nurse before bed I just stare at his wonderful blue eyes and everything is right.

I could go on and on about how wonderful this baby is. He is a champion sleeper. Always wakes with a smile. He is a great nurser. Chooses to chill in his bouncer or swing and look at things rather than be held. But. Its just doesn't look like much when I read it back to myself.

No words can describe how incredibly blessed I am to have my two boys and my INCREDIBLE husband.

How do show happy in black and white?

Maybe this will help.

Con*ner Er*ic.
Born September 16th, 2009
8 pounds 11(and a half) ounces. (I told you he would be a hoss.)
Wonderful uncomplicated birth.
Scary gas (for me) the day after, followed by a very humbling enema that deserves it's OWN post. Seriously. AWFUL.

Mom, Dad, and brother couldn't be more proud.

Thursday, December 3, 2009