Thursday, July 31, 2008

Nice to meet you

Well since I have been blogging for a while now, I thought I would introduce you to my mother.

My mom is the oldest of 4 and is a single woman learning to adjust to living on her own and working a full-time job. She is a very religious person and has strong views as to how she lives her life. Needless to say that finding a man that fits into this niche is not easy.
Mom is terrible shy and sometimes this comes across as very unsociable. She doesn’t fit into just any crowd. No smoking, drinking, cursing, etc etc if she feels that you partake in any of these things then you can hang it up.

While it is good to have standards, she is so incredibly lonely and sad. I want her to be happy and find love again. My mom is only 48 and if feel that she has a whole new life to be lived and countless adventures.

She was raised to believe that everything is sinful and you can see this in her face. If a prince rode up to her on a white horse with a rose in his teethe followed by a golden carriage full of rubies, but had a tattoo, she would send him packing.

She is so angry at my father for leaving after 24 years of marriage she also does not trust anyone. She is still so angry. I want to help her but I just do not know how.

My parents divorced 7 years ago and my mom has lived by herself and held a full-time job a total of 2 years. The other time she has lived with me or her parents. She does not have any drive or ambition to have a career she just wants to be married and stay home. But, she wants to travel and have nice things. I guess to sum it up she wants a rich, religious man who like to travel, play games and doesn’t mind if she reads romance novels 24/7 and plays on the computer…any takers?

My introduction does have a point. My dad’s parents are coming for a visit this weekend and I told her so that she would not be surprised if she showed up. She is still terrible uncomfortable around him or his family.

She called just called me at work and wants me to come over after work because she has something to tell me. I am wondering what it is. I told her she better not be pregnant and told her I would see her at 5:30. I just love messing with her.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Not going to Cry

Well, I knew this was coming I felt the first cramp Sunday. I felt the first raving pms rant Sunday when I verbally attacked my poor husband. I saw the first light pink spot last night.
This morning my pants didnt wan't to button and the tears are trying to fall.

Dammit I will not do this today. I am sick of being sad and angry and caring. I wish that I felt the relief that the fertile bitches feel when they get theirs. I wish that I could blow up this cloud that I will walk in for the next couple of days.

I wish that I did not give a shit.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Holy crap I just ate a whole cantaloupe. I was chopping it up for breakfast in the morning and watching a cooking show and I ate the WHOLE thing.

Note to self. Don't start breakfast menu before dinner.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cookie Monster

Marie: Here E I got you a cookie from subway

E: Mom, why is there 2 halfs of a cookie in here?

Marie: I didn't know which one you wanted so I saved you half of both

E: Well I just would have liked one WHOLE one.

Marie: You know, I didn't have to save you any cookies!!!

E: Next time I like chocolate chip...A WHOLE ON. You get 3 cookies for 1 dollar how come there is only 2 halfs.

Marie: Just eat what is there E

*what a turd he totally busted me I couldn't decide on the one that I wanted. I ate the whole peanut butter one.*

Where oh Where are you Tonight??

Aunt Becky,

I am calling you out. I can not get into your blog and I am starting to freak. I need some great Mommy/Vodka humur. I hope everything is ok and since I don't have your page with you email link I can't see whats up.

So here it is in front of everyone. I hope you are ok and you site is back up soon.

If you don't get it up and running I am sure to kill a kitten.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008



Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Wow, I love NCLW I have 12, I repeat 12, comments. I have never had that many. I feel so special and loved. I have found so many blogs that I think are the BEES KNEES. I am sure you know this, but there are a LOT of courageous woman out there. We are all connected by one strong bond and I can relate in some way to each and every one. But you know what else is unique about us??

Well, I don't know you tell me. We have many talents in our little internetz group.

To celebrate NCLW, I thought I would tell you guys about one of my special talents.

When I was a (insanely cute) little girl my grandfather gave me something that I still treasure to this day. Something that some people are very afraid of and some people should NEVER have. He gave me a microphone.

Papaw has always been a minister and usually pastors small churches in small towns. The kind that have lots of little old ladies that pinch your cheeks and give you gum and paper to write on when you are bored. One Saturday my whole family was at the church as were having a get together and we always had dinner at the church since there are so many of us. Well my uncle plays the guitar and there were having a little jam session and they handed me a microphone. I sang Jesus Loves Me, He's Still Working on Me, God likes People, well, you get the idea. I would not stop. I was hooked.

I begged my grandfather to let me sing in church and so (being that at the time I was terribly spoiled) he said yes. So I practiced a little more and went home to prepare for my show. The next morning I was sitting with my aunt and all the little old ladies had given me gum so I was waiting very patiently chewing. My grandfather called me to the stage.

I stood up very proudly and walked to the stage. I then handed my grandfather my purse and stuck my gum and the little pew beside him and took my microphone.

Wanna here what I sang? Well, you can't but I can tell you the words.

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and Yellow, Pink and Green
Strangest kids I ever seen
Jesus loves the little children of the World.

Yea, my aunt and uncle got in an insane amount of trouble as they taught me that version when we were practicing.

But here's the thing, I loved singing. After that I sang a lot and I got good. I sang in different churches and won competitions. I started a praise and worship band as a teenager and we even went to Houston and performed. It was what I was going to do with my life. I traveled with a few singers as a young kid and babysat for them just so I could be there. I sang with my Uncles band.

I could blame it on a number of things but for some reason I don't do it anymore. I miss it very much. I have a great fear that I will loose the ability. I just do not know how to get back on the horse ya know?

But that is my talent and I am proud of it and very thankful. So what are some of your talents that you have hidden?

Oh yea and I forgot my gum when I finished singing but while my grandfather was preaching I remembered it and went back and got it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

There is no sufficient title for this

Dear Cubicle Neighbor/Coworker,

Please do not read mass emails from corporate to me. I have the same system and they have my email address too. Chances are I have already read what you are sitting over there reading WORD FOR WORD to me because I come to the office at 8:15 and you get here at 11:00. After 3 years I already know your opinions and have heard all of your stories so please, please, please just give me some quiet time mmmm-kay?

Hanging by a cute little thread

Friday, July 18, 2008

Firday Lunch Date

Wow, what a great lunch. It was one of those dates where you laugh and talk with no lulls in the conversation. We both giggled and blew our straw wrappers at each other. You didn't care that I had more than my share of pizza and you even shared you dessert being I was too full to get up and get my own.

You are so bright and charming. Your outlook on life makes me see the world in vivid color.
I love how you have so many questions and are amazed when you learn something as boring as how the Wal-mart pharmacy works. You have that smile that I adore and those big blue eyes are going to break hearts in a few short years.

As we finished we were both happy and full and loaded with carbs. When I dropped you off you wrapped you arms around my neck and gave me a huge hug and " I love you Mommy"

You made my day today and I thank you sooooo much. I miss you little man and I can't wait to have you back home


Thursday, July 17, 2008

Primate P*rn



Ok, so I promised some monkey junk and I always make good on my promises. If you are offended I am terribly sorry but I am sure it will not be the last time.

Worldless Wednesday a little late

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Bits of Vacay

Well hello there strangers it has been awhile and even though I have missed you terribly I have had a butt load of fun. I had the stereotypical vacation complete with “are we there yet” and “I’m not touching you” (with fingers inches from the other ones face). Oh did I mention that this was coming from me and my 23 year old cousin and not from E. Actually E was annoyed with it as much as Eric.

My cousin Cody is deploying to Iraq soon, and decided to come with us on vacation. We played the state license game where you see how many different states you can get before everyone else in the car. Eric used to be a long haul truck driver so he won by a landslide. We finally quit because he was kicking our ass so badly.

I found a great Ralph Lauren swim suit on the way and it has lots of lycra and I likey.

Sea World was wonderful and we have a gazillion picture and I will put some up as soon as Eric gets them downloaded. Are you reading this hunny? Just whenever you get to it will be fine but these guys must see monkey at the zoo trying to escape with the huge woody.

E spent the night with the penguins at Sea World and took lots of pics which I am sure he will want posted as well. He is like a walking marine biologist book right now with everything he learned.

We have mastered the big roller coasters but still are having a hard time with the thought of riding one that goes upside down but we are working through it. It took begging and pleading there were lots of tears (from me) but E rode. He had a great time and afterward he said he mainly rode them so that I would quit begging. I do not feel guilty though.

We took E to hooters and his picture made with the girls and he really liked it.

We did all the touristy stuff like the River Walk & Alamo,

Oh and I totally sold out and got a new phone and will now be able to keep up with everyone when I am away. I don’t have it all figured out yet but I was able to read some of your posts on the way home but I can’t figure out how to comment.

Now I am back home to reality. E is at his dads and Eric is working his ass of, and me? Well I am at work blogging ahh back to the real world.

I will post more about our vacay as it comes to me so I am sure you will get bored but there is so much stuff. So...consider this a first installment

Monday, July 7, 2008

Peace Out

I just wanted to let everyone know that we will be leaving in a couple hours for a much needed vacation. I am not one of those impressive folks that have blackberry (see I don’t even know how to spell it.) I do not have a laptop and my cell it not connected to the internet. I do not feel guilty or technology deprived as I guess I am just not that addicted…yet.

I still have not found a swim suit and hello we will be going to Sea World TOMORROW. If you have flattering style guides or tips that you can give me in the next couple of hours I would be glad to hear them.

I will miss you guys terribly. Don’t let too much happen while I am gone

Oh yea.. Much luck, prayer, blessings and crossing fingers for you 2 week waiters!!!!

Much Love

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I am deeply sorry

Dear Donna,

It was really good to see you today. You were standing there in your usual position at the customer service counter with the same smile that you have worn every time I have seen you for the last 9 years.

I always wondered when we worked together why there was a hint of sadness in your face. Why you were so attentive to E when I would bring him up to work so show him off. How you always oohed and aahed over all them employee's children and made such an effort to make them smile. I also wondered about you sometimes. I am ashamed to admit they were fleeting thoughts but I did wonder. Did you have a family? Why did we never see your children at work.

I think I got my answer today. I saw the pain in your eyes when that sweet chubby baby smiled and hid her head in here mothers shoulder when you said hi. I felt your wince when the mom said, "its ok honey say hi". I felt it too. My heart broke for you because I am quite sure I now know why I haven't seen your family.

I wanted to say something, anything to let you know that I care. I feel like such a bitch for bragging and ....complaining in the break room about loss of sleep and baby puke. I wish I had been sensitive. I wish I would have seen then what I saw today and for that I am so truly sorry.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Hey Let's do a Meme

SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks!

Take the first letter of your favorite color and answer to the following:

1) What is your favorite color? Green

2) Something you would poke? Great big ole zit

3) Something you would reheat? Gravy

4) Something you would carry in your purse? Gum

5) Something you would recycle? Grocery bags

6) Something you would scream if being attacked? Good Lord

7) Something you are wearing right now? green fingernail polish (it was a mistake and I am too lazy to get it off)

8 ) Something that would make you blush? got nothin (I do not blush very easily)

9) Something that would cure a bad day? Great big hug from hubby

10) Something that you would photograph at the zoo? Gorilla flinging poo ( I have seen it and its not pretty)

Ok, I tag everyone

cd 28

Ok, so it is cd28 and no flo in sight. I am feeling that old ray of hope trying to peek into my world. This isn't clomid induced lateness because I did not take it. I have been running at night and I moved my in law's this weekend and we did a lot of work.

I spent my lunch dreaming about what clever thing I could say at dinner tonight if I tested and it was positive. Thinking about how great the timing would be and how my whole family is close enough to to share in our pregnancy (while that may be a little overwhelming) I am so happy that they are here.

I hate that I can't let go and stop doing the what if thing but I just can't.

E is with his dad this week and last night I was walking Daisy and decided to pass by there house and let E see his dog. Ok, now a couple of people said they would be interested about the joint custody thing so here ya go you asked for this bitch session.

When I got to the house and knocked on the door E answered and he was in his pajamas. It was 7:45, daylight, and summer come on. His step-mother had already put him to bed and his dad was not home. He said he was thirsty and she would not let him have a drink because she was afraid he would wet the bed. He also was not even going to see his dad so I ask you what is the point of him being there? She obviously did not want to be bothered and his father wouldn't be home until much later. Am I being to picky here? We live right around the corner from each other why can't E's father get him when he is going to be there? I am very easy to get along with in fact, sometimes too easy and he can see him whenever he wants so there is not reason to take him away from home when he is not seeing him. I called his father to "casually mention" he was in bed but he will not answer his phone uggg. I find it very hard to believe he would have put him to bed that early with nothing to drink.

Sometimes I find myself being over protective but it this damn infertility that makes me crazy and my thinking is that this could be my only child and I am going to be the best mother I can possibly be. That sound like a good thing and maybe it is, but sometimes it makes me a little, well, crazy!!