Camp co-sleep?

So Conner has slept in the same bed with me since he came home from the hospital, give or take a few nights. I usually put him down at night in his own crib and then go get him on his first wake-up or sometimes when I am going to bed (simply because I am lazy and don't want to have to get up in 25 minutes, when he decides it time for a snack.) I love sleeping with him. Feeling his little warm body all snugly. The way he pats my face when he wakes up (or sticks a finger in my nose). The smile he has when he wakes up. Not having to get out of bed since he still nurses 2-3 times a night. It just makes me feel good.

However, I am still hearing the "thunk" he made when he went off our California king bed unto the floor. I don't think I will ever get that sound out of my head. It hurt my heart way worse than it did him. In fact, he was laughing minutes after it happened and was trying to eat the frozen waffle I was putting on his teeny boo-boo. But I still felt awful. I knew it was coming as he is getting very active in his sleep and I just didn't take the appropriate precautions. This happened a week ago and I know have pillows on the floor and huge barricade on one side of the bed and sleep with my hand on him so that if he moves I wake up. So far it has worked. But I don't want it to happen again.

All last week I tried to work with him at sleeping in his own bed and he is having nothing of it. Now he doesn't even want to go down in his bed and I can only guess it's because I spend all last week trying to keep him in it all night instead of bringing him in with me. He will be sound asleep in my arms and scream when he feels himself touch the mattress. I can't do cry it out. I just can't do it. I don't want to.

I want him with me.

Maybe we should just buy a king sized crib.