One Week

Tonight was my next to last class and I am thrilled. The final should not be very bad and I am done!!! Tonight we had an essay on what a parent's responsibilites are and what a child's are. We had to write in class. Well I starting writing about what I though and using my knowledge on the subject but then I went of about all the irresponsible parents and....yep started boo hooing in class. Sucked to be me. I could not finish fast enough I am sure everyone saw me. What a crappy assignment.

Then I started thinking about E. Am I making him suffer because my attention is divided? I don't want him to feel like he is not enough and we do not feel that way I just want another child. He wants that too he says so all the time.

I am neglecting my husband we are not having fun it is all about having a baby. I can't focus on just us anymore. This consumes me and something has got to give. I think that after next cycle if it doesn't happen we will take a break and enjoy the summer. I do not want to do this but I miss my husband. I miss the fun stuff. So lets hope that something breaks so that I can give the two people in my life that I care about the most me back.

This one is a tear jerker

I don't quite know why but this one was the one that hit me emotionally that and the baby sonogram I just got via email. Don't get me wrong I am so very happy for my cousin and his sweet little girl that is on the way. He just got back from Iraq and they love each other and are so happy but it just hurts. I feel like such a jerk. I looked at that awesome sonogram and could see this sweet little baby even its tiny facial features and I want one. When I do get pregnant I am defiantely having one of those sonograms.

Great Link

I just found this it says everything I want to say to people. My husband, my family, friends, doctors. We are on a slippery emotional slope sometimes and it is nice to know that we have a unit out there. I was encouraged by this and I hope someone else will be too.

I pray pestilence on E.P.T

I left at lunch to get my test. I decided to go all out and buy the E.P.T. let me back up my grandparents called to say they were passing through town and want to meet for lunch. I am game so I am in line at the store right by my office in pharmacy very small. The tests are locked up so I am waiting a gazillion years for my turn. I them get it and run home and see if hubby is awake. He is barely awake so he stayed in bed. My husband is not manic like me and can actually wait until a period to find out. He frustrates me but I am like a dozen floating balloons and he is my weight at the end so I dont completely loose it. Anyway ......


E.P.T CAN KISS MY ASS.

It is not over I am only on 9dpo so there is still a chance. I will not be bummed yet!!!!

Pee in the fridge

Ok, so my preg test I took yesterday showed nothing except when I got home last night there was a faint line. I didnt go get another test as I was tired and had to do dinner and such. Eric works nights so I have alot to do before he goes to work. I asked him to bring one home but the store by our house was closed. I anticipated this much so I peed in cup and seran wrapped the hell out of it and put it in the fridge. I will test again at lunch. I have NEVER NEVER had any kind of line so even if it is late does it mean something? I am trying not to get my hopes up but who are we kidding. I think I am pregnant every month any kind of line on a pregnancy test is enough to send me into orbit.

I will update after lunch.

Don't judge me

I pos nothing yet but somehow I feel better.
Things I bought at lunch

• sausage hotdog w/works
• muncho chips (yum)
• Pg test (ept)
• cough drops

If 10 bucks on a pg test helps me feel better in my 2ww I will not deny myself!!!

A bout with Poo

Well my little boy took his first step to Independence this weekend on his Huffy bike. Saturday he was terrible bored and moaning "I don't have anyone to play with" I took a deep breath and said well maybe you take a ride around the block on your bike and see if there are any neighboring kids that want to play. He looked taken back and then a slow smile spread across his face. We got his bike and I stand in the yard giving him a huge spill about Cars, safety, weirdos, dogs. At this point he is thinking "this is so not worth it." But he pushed off and pedals down the sidewalk very cautiously looking back ever so often. He turns the corner and it out of sight. He comes back 5 mins later to check-in. He leaves again and gets a little more adventurous and is gone 7 mins. He then rides to his dads the next street over and calls me to let me know where he is. I give him 1 hour to play with his step-brothers and then he is to call me and come home. Before the day was out he made lots of friends and the whole street was a buzz of activity. He played his heart out all weekend. I felt so good for him. With all the structured sports, lessons, boy scouts. Kids do not get much free time and it was nice to see him making his own way.

Sunday was a repeat however he came in and had dinner and just had to go back outside for 10 minutes. I let him and he came back and went to his room. He came in and said mom something is wrong my room smells like poop. I went in there and the smell liked to have knocked me down. He had stepped in fresh poo outside and tracked it all in my house. I scrubbed his room with pine sol and scrub brush and sprayed fabreeze bleached his shoes. Well, we could not get that smell out and my eyes drifted to the bed I had been washing his sheets and had not made it yet and he had managed to ground pooh in his mattress we scrubbed the mattress to no avail. Finally I gave up and put him to bed in my room.

This morning my husband come in from work and say wow the house smells really good and clean but I keep getting a whiff of dog poo what is that all about? Me and E broke into a fit of giggles because we tried so hard. So I shall try again tonight but I think I see a new mattress in the near future.

I am 8 days past ovulation and so want to know now. I want to test and I know it is too early but I do very much. I would just feel better if I peed on a stick. I did do something very strange last night I needed something salty and I ended up eating Frito's and ranch dressing is was heavenly.

So there you have it my wild weekend.

OH HAPPY DAY!!!

I am so happy to report that I got a long overdue Grey's Anatomy fix last night. Yes my favorite show is back along with the tacky bed hopping, guts spilling out of humans, scalps falling off, and Derek and Meradith drama. All is right with the world again. If you are a Grey's fan do you see George hooking up with Meradith's sister? I do and I see Izzy getting all jealous. Previews show Ava saying she is pregnant I am very excited.

I feel nausea this morning but I cannot judge anything but this because I feel this way every month I think it is the anticipation. We have started baseball season my family's favorite time. We have a baseball game tonight and E is so excited I hope the weather will hold out.

Well not much else going on here.

Melt Down

I am sitting in front of my brand new work computer, as my other gave up the ghost. It crashed, and I cried!! I have spent this week working with paper files, a notepad, and get this......NO EMAIL. It has been inconvenient to say the least.

But, I have had a very productive week. It pains me to the very core to admit this but I have been a blond tornado. I have done projects at break neck speed, organized my whole desk, caught up on paper mail. Not to toot my own horn but I have been a great employee. I caught things that I normally would have missed having my head buried in this magnificent supposedly helpful machine.

Now do I want to go back to the world before computer. He(double hockey sticks) no!!!!! I like my attention hogging machine that lets me visit my friends during working hours. I am just saying that for the work world they are not always as big of a help for me as a distraction..

Ok, enough of my long drawn out observation wanna here about the fertility world? No, you don't really there is nothing going on I am 4 days into the 2ww. I talked to my best friend and she is 5 days past her due date we are both just waiting. I am sure her result will be better than mine. (See my optimistic side?) I will tell you that we did the unthinkable we used the egg whites. I know it is and was gross but if it gets us a baby I suspect you will all be trying it don't even try to deny it!!

Well I must get off of here so I can work!!

2ww

Its here. I am in my two week wait. I feel somewhat optimistic. I am very tired tonight so not much to say just wanted to make it official if anyone is interested.

The clomid is getting to my head

I have the most acutely intensely painfull headache I have ever had my whole 26 years on this planet. It feels as if someone is shoving 20 acupunture needles straight into my brain! I cannot focus and my forehead is drawn into this ugly frown everyone thinks I am mad. Clients are looking at my forehead intently and I'm like "no mister so & so I am not angry and your claim story is not that unbelievable I just have invisable needles sticking out of my forehead like on hell raiser".

Clomid

I am going to get my clomid in 25 minutes!!!

Did you miss me

Well I got through my 2ww with no success and sat down at my computer many times to post but they were all really depressing. Here are some of the titles

• What I could have done the last two weeks.
• How to properly dispose or cruelly destroy my opk sticks and pg tests
• Do you think I can get a genuine birth certificate for my dogs?
• Empty belly syndrome
• Shit Shit Shit
• Spending the night upside down
• We are so buying a great bass boat

I could go on and on but it is a new cycle and a new hope

I will start Clomid tomorrow I am putting my fears aside and just doing it. I checked the Wal-mart prescription list and it is $9 not bad. On a bad note we have no fertility coverage.

I have still been reading posts and commenting and even when I am not posting I am still here. I spent a lot of time talking to my bff that is having a baby in a couple of weeks. I know that this seems like it would make things worse but it didn't. I miss her as she lives in Alaska and I am so happy for her and her husband. It is fun to get to listen and help her not be so worried. I have been there and can give her tips from my perspective.

Well more to come later gotta get back to work.