Saturday, July 5, 2008

I am deeply sorry

Dear Donna,

It was really good to see you today. You were standing there in your usual position at the customer service counter with the same smile that you have worn every time I have seen you for the last 9 years.

I always wondered when we worked together why there was a hint of sadness in your face. Why you were so attentive to E when I would bring him up to work so show him off. How you always oohed and aahed over all them employee's children and made such an effort to make them smile. I also wondered about you sometimes. I am ashamed to admit they were fleeting thoughts but I did wonder. Did you have a family? Why did we never see your children at work.

I think I got my answer today. I saw the pain in your eyes when that sweet chubby baby smiled and hid her head in here mothers shoulder when you said hi. I felt your wince when the mom said, "its ok honey say hi". I felt it too. My heart broke for you because I am quite sure I now know why I haven't seen your family.

I wanted to say something, anything to let you know that I care. I feel like such a bitch for bragging and ....complaining in the break room about loss of sleep and baby puke. I wish I had been sensitive. I wish I would have seen then what I saw today and for that I am so truly sorry.


Io said...

This is a really sweet post Marie. I shudder to think what insensitive things I might have said or done in the past. But you just don't know until you *know*

HereWeGoAJen said...

It's good that you can recognize it now. Sensitivity helps a lot.

Anonymous said...

Marie, thank you for making me really think about some of the things that I have said in the past or in return the looks that I have now started to give others.


Anonymous said...

That hurts so much (both you and her). I guess I'm lucky that I don't tear up often when I see the babies (when I do I blame the clomid/pms...any excuse will do). Usually, they just make me smile and want one more.

I had given up on having children (I was 33 and the first love of my life was gone...he couldn't keep it together, and I couldn't take anymore). I had mourned and accepted that fact in my life. That was before I met and married M. He changed that. :)

Peeveme said...

This is my favorite post you have ever written.

You just can't know until it happens to you. And then it sucks to be you but you also know how much it sucks to be them...and you feel bad for not knowing how sucky they felt and what you might have done to make it worse.

Yea, you said it so much better!

Compassion has a hefty price of admission.