Sunday, November 2, 2008

Where is my ho?

Just when I come to terms with the diagnosis of our misfortune my body decides to send me a total mind fuck. A renewed spring in my step. Belly laughs that I though I would never feel again. Hope, peace, acceptance is slipping away.

I am 10 days late for my period.

CD 29- Not concerned as I had all symptoms and signs that flo was coming.

CD 30- Didn't even think about it but started packing just in case.

CD 31-?

CD 34-??

CD 36-Took test in private. It was negative and no tears (small sigh)

CD 40-Its 1:30(not sure if time changed yet or not)and I have done the following:

Dug my test out of bathroom trash and examined under every light in the house. I know about evaporated lines but come on we all have been in the same boat at one point in time so don't give me lip.

Googled if you can use opk to determine pregnancy

Noticed all sorts of IPS. Here is a list
Nausea (but i might just be hungry)
Sleeplessness (hello cause I'm terrorizing myself)
Peeing alot (I did drink coffe earlier which could also explain 2nd syptom)

Prayed that one of you faithful great confidants would be up and online to give me
an online slap.

Blogged my craziness.

Laughed my ass off at myself.

Mentally dogged myself for this stupid, stupid list. If you are still with me thank you for reading this drivel.

I can't go back here I just do not have it in me to fight this battle right now. I need this to be on the back burner for awhile. I have some really big things that need my undivided attention this week and if I am not pregnant I really need to get my visit. But! If........

7 comments:

Jen said...

You can use OPK to determine pregnancy. A positive on one of those isn't as reliable as one on a pregnancy test, but it is something.

I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Aunt Becky said...

I used an OPK to determine my pregnancy with Amelia. It was expired too.

And it was very, very positive.

Like jen, I've got my fingies crossed.

Io said...

I cracked up at your title. I do not know where your ho is.
I have to admit, one of the nice things bot definitely knowing I can't get knocked up is not driving myself crazy thinking I might be. I hope you are going nuts with good cause.

honeywine said...

Oh god how the memories come flooding back... Hope. It's always there. :)

Beautiful Mess said...

Thinking and praying for ya. Oh and have all things crossed!
Hugs,
-D

Slyde said...

it wasnt drivel at all.

as always, you are an interesting read.

hope all turns out well for you.

Marie said...

Lol Thank you Slyde. That means alot coming from a dude :)