Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Finals

Here I sit on the last day of 2008, reflecting on all that has been thrown our way. I look at my blog and all the other's that I have had the pleasure of reading. I think of the many ways 2008 has bent me over. I also know that without the bitter I would not have the sweet. That is not really true. I can't think of one damn thing that being infertile has helped in other aspects of my life.

My marriage has been kicked in the face. My closest friendships have been strained. However, the worst casualty of this disease has been my loss of faith.

I am done.

I refuse to let this hurdle cost me everything that I have.

I will not let my depression get the best of me.

I have lived under a cloud for too long. Even when it is beautiful and sunny there is still that little nagging hint of sadness and I am so desperately tired of it.

I smile on the outside but Its been a very long time since I have smiled on the inside.

2009?

I will smile on the inside again.

I will make love to my husband when I feel like it and not because it is "time".

I can think of a million things that I want to be different but I think those two things are the most important for now.

We are taking E to Six Flags tonight for their New Years Party and he is so excited that he promised to take a nap. The thought of staying up till tomorrow is making him drunk with power.

If you see us there, E will be the kid running around crazy, and Eric and I will be the couple sitting on a bench drinking Red Bull.

Kiss my lily white ass, 2008!

11 comments:

Ophelia said...

Suck it 2008!

Teresa said...

Yes 2008 has been the worst. According to numerology reports (which I don't think I believe but hey it makes sense this year)...2008 adds up to a 1 and 1 is very self-centered, controlling blah blah blah. Maybe this is why it's been such a shitty year for everyone. 2009 has GOT to be better right?

Aunt Becky said...

Hoping for a better 2009 for us all. It's been so hard for everyone this year. Just a hard, hard year.

Happy New Year, my friend.

Beautiful Mess said...

Can I go to Six Flags with you?! I promise I'll be good. I'll take E on ALL the rides. I wish you a wonderfully happy 2009!
hugs,
-D

Marie said...

Beautiful,

E and Eric will not ride the rides with me so yes, do come along and I will be able to get my thrill-seeking on.

Lola said...

Six Flags and no rides? Oh, that's just not right ;)

2008 goes down as my suckiest year so far, and 2009 better be a huge improvement for all of us!

Slyde said...

keep your chin up and keep on fighting the good fight. We all go thru stretches like that, in one form or another.

you never see it while you live it, but in the end, you're better for going thru it.

happy new years!

Peeveme said...

Sing it, sista!

Teresa said...

Thanks for your comment mama! I didn't have too bad of a day. Thank God! I did do something for myself by eating a half a bag of chips ahoy. They were delectable. hehe

honeywine said...

I swear I think everybody I know wanted that year OVER! Here's a toast to hoping that some sense of happy normalcy returns in 2009!

Kellie said...

AMEN TO THAT!!!