Here I sit on the last day of 2008, reflecting on all that has been thrown our way. I look at my blog and all the other's that I have had the pleasure of reading. I think of the many ways 2008 has bent me over. I also know that without the bitter I would not have the sweet. That is not really true. I can't think of one damn thing that being infertile has helped in other aspects of my life.
My marriage has been kicked in the face. My closest friendships have been strained. However, the worst casualty of this disease has been my loss of faith.
I am done.
I refuse to let this hurdle cost me everything that I have.
I will not let my depression get the best of me.
I have lived under a cloud for too long. Even when it is beautiful and sunny there is still that little nagging hint of sadness and I am so desperately tired of it.
I smile on the outside but Its been a very long time since I have smiled on the inside.
I will smile on the inside again.
I will make love to my husband when I feel like it and not because it is "time".
I can think of a million things that I want to be different but I think those two things are the most important for now.
We are taking E to Six Flags tonight for their New Years Party and he is so excited that he promised to take a nap. The thought of staying up till tomorrow is making him drunk with power.
If you see us there, E will be the kid running around crazy, and Eric and I will be the couple sitting on a bench drinking Red Bull.
Kiss my lily white ass, 2008!