Plan's Change

This morning E was begging to go to his dads tonight and I was not having it. "You are going to be there all through Christmas. This is your last night home and you are not going and it hurts my feeling that you would even ask!" I started to feel guilty since he doesn't understand and just wanted to see his dad early like he has done so many times before.

I called his dad and he is out of town and will not be back until Wednesday. I told E and he decided he would just wait until his dad it home to go over there. His step-mom and baby brother are there but he really wanted to see his dad.

I got to work and was nursing my first cup of coffee and a friend comes to my desk and says, "did you hear?"

There was a car accident and a family we know lost their baby as they went off a bridge into a lake.

"Oh my God" I was completely speechless. This close to Christmas?

Their lives changed in an instant.

I have been walking around in a cloud of depression for weeks. Sad because of all the things in my life that I feel are not right. Sad for the things I want but cannot have. Angry over things I cannot control. Bitter over circumstances. Bitchy over small things that add up to nothing.

This man has two other children. They were with their mother because plans changed. They were supposed to be in that car. They were supposed to be with their Father.

In that car.

Things change.

We don't always get what we want.

Dad was probably sad yesterday because he was missing a scheduled day of visitation.

Possibly sparing the lives of his other two children.

Tonight I will hold my family closer.

Smell them.

Take them in.

What I do have it pretty great. I am going to be thankful for what I have today.