I just posted on another blog and the words that I typed really startled me when I read them back to myself.
"Being infertile has mad me a much better mother but sadly, it has made me a worse wife."
I am doing farely well with pulling myself out of the pit of dispair that was last week. But I look at that statement and see one more thing that I have been robbed of. I am about to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with my husband and I am so happy that we are here. I remember laying in bed thinking about what it would be like to live forever with this man. The plans and dreams I had for us. How special and lucky I felt to find this love that I had wanted and needed my whole life. The way he looked at me when I was in the kitchen. The way he would come up behind me and just wrap his arms around me.
My marriage today? Well it is still beautiful and special. I am very happy. But if I analyze it? It is not a 2 year marriage. It has been shaken and stirred. We have walked on it and have left cups on it without coasters. No permanent damage but the white rings are there.
I love my husband. I thank God every single day. There are many times through this past year that I have no clue how he has stood me. But I am glad that he has.
I want to take back things that I have said but simply can't. I want to grow as a wife too. I don't know how to do that. I wan't to figure it out.